She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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