carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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