i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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