im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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