My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
