I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
