Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Can't talk, ducks in the car
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
