i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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