FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
