Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
