that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
