OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i barfeds in our rink
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
All I want is dick and wine.
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