I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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