What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
