So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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