So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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