i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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