Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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