he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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