The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
