i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
