so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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