conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
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