is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
