Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
