I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
