You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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