my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's shark week go big or go home
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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