I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
