I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
