ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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