It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
