I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
