Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
