when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
