one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
