Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
