They should really pass out barf bags in church
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
