if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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