I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
