since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
