are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
