I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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