Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Is it because I queefed?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
