some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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