I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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