Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
