I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
