There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
