pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
