The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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