I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
