im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
