thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
