I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
