I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
