you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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