Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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