Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm like, not good at living.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
