Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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