so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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