i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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